Where I get the money for this? Don't think rhyming: Top 10 Moments in Cam'rology (Extra-curricular Edition)

Stole business plan, color scheme, from Radiohead's In Rainbows

So y'all know Cam'ron's got two new discs of new music out, right? Cop it for free from Cam here, or for $10 from Cam here (when Radiohead does it, it's called revolutionary; when rappers do it, it's called a mixtape). Now, I'll let the CD reacquaint you with Cam's music, and while the man himself is good enough to explain his recent history in each disc's intro (listen for yourself, it's worth it), I figured Screw Rock 'n' Roll might be able to help with some of the man's more notable extra-curricula activities. And a C.E.O. (Zeekey is the President) like Cam'ron has plenty of extra-curricula activities. Let's revisit a few:

And, yes, while the list has been a favorite pastimes of music obsessives since prehistoric times, I stole this specific format from my old hood, Stylus Magazine. I did one Top 10 for them, it's over here.)

Cam's with some cool kids... and he looks like Blossom!

Screw Rock 'n' Roll's Top 10 Moments in Cam'rology
(Extra-curricular Edition)

[ Number Ten ]
Explains his no-snitching policy to Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes

It works like this: Should Cam ever live next door to a serial killer, he won't tell the police, but he will find a new apartment. The 60 Minutes piece treated simplistically a complex issue about the relationship between marginalized communities and the policies, but Cam'ron didn't do himself any favors with that interview. He issued an apology of sorts after the report, and the ill-considered nature of his comments has done nothing to stop him bragging about them on his new mixtape: "It's young 60 Minutes, aka one hour."

[ Number Nine ]
Instructs 50 Cent on matters of etiquette

"Show some courtesy, Curtis!" It wasn't the hot summer Cam predicted, but there's one reason 50's birth name appears on the front of his new record, and that reason is riding round Harlem decked out in purple furs. 50's decline (if a platinum album can be called a decline) may have started before Cam'ron got involved, but Curtis' fall from grace is tagged with a Killa-coined catchphrase.

[ Number Eight ]
"I.B.S."/"He Tried to Play Me"

These actually are musical moments, but they're so bizarre, even by Dipset standards, that they become extra-curriclar moments. More than music, perhaps? I'll let you listen to them to better appreciate the full absurdity, but be ready for a lament over the problems caused by Irritable Bowel Syndrome and a musical theater gangsta ballad. Proving that even Killa Season had its moments.

[ Number Seven ]
Launches Dipskate

OK, Dipskate seems to be more of Jim Jones project, but even if Cam and Jimmy aren't as tight as they used to be, it's all still under the Diplomats banner. So even if it was the other Dipset C.E.O. announcing the skate crew endorsement, the expansion of the Diplomat brand to include a team of "freestyle rollers" is worth including in this list.

[ Number Six ]
The "No Homo" thing

Yeah, it's dumb, but Cam trades in dumb and this was the trade of a life time. I don't know about the true origins of the phrase, but "no homo," "pause" and etc. are all identified with the Dips ("nullus" can be credited to Bol). Cam says he even says "no homo" while in meetings with his lawyer. The interviewer (look, I'm sorry New Yorkers, I should know her name, but I've been in New York 5 days in my entire life. I don't know these DJs!) asks some fair questions, and shows fair bemusement, but the real journalistic response to Cam's quotes would have been to go out and interview his lawyer: "So, what do you think when Cam interrupts his sentences to say 'no homo'?" By the way, choice quote: "My man Jim Jones said 'I'mma beat you with that till all the white stuff come out of it'."

[ Number Five ]
Has Rhymebook Stolen, Put on Internet

Didn't actually happen, but Cam'ron and reality are only tenuously connected anyway, so we can ignore that. An Oh Word stunt that seemed more like affectionate homage than cruel paraody, if only because none of the contents of the alleged rhyme book seemed too far fetched. If Cam'ron is aware of it, surely his only complaint would be that he didn't think of the 2007 Custom Camborghini Prototype first. (I must buy one of them shirts some time. Remind me.)

Features a propellor on top of the drop

[ Number Four ]
Tells Bill O'Reilly: "You Mad!"

Not only do we learn that Cam raps about, in the words of Papa Bear, "Pimping and bitches" (Cam repeats the words after O' Reilly says them, as if mulling them over), we get to hear him taunting the Factor host: "You mad!" (it works as a mental health diagnosis, too). In the words of Dame Dash: "That was a good point, Cam." Incidentally, before Cam comfortably settles into sneering at everyone else on the program (other than Dame, of course), he manages to acquit himself about as well as does every other Factor guest. Basically, shows like that are set up so the guests lose, and Cam'ron comes off pretty good, considering.

[ Number Three ]
Sells pink Range Rover on E-Bay

"When I drive it, it's a headache ... My driver be signing autographs if he's in there by himself. No matter who's driving, if they are in that car, you're a star. If your grandmother got in that driver's seat, she's gonna be signing autographs. It just attracts attention. That's why I put it in the video."

No word on what it ended up selling for, but the starting price was $180 000. Incredible because of the actual existence of the pink Range, then because Cam sold said range over the Internet, and finally because Cam discovered something that even he considered too ostentatious.

[ Number Two ]
Invents new color

"I'm working with some scientists ...It's unfortunate that I didn't take advantage of the whole pink situation, being that I'm the one that really put pink in the market."

That color seems to have ended up being whatever shade of purple he's in these days, but the process is more important than the result here. When Cam wants a new color, he hustles a group of eggheads off to Dipset Laboratories. God I wish I had video of that.

[ Number One ]
Announces Plans for Pedophile Sting Operation

Pretty much what the headline says. Like so many of these things, I'm not sure if it ever eventuated; Cam planned a DVD worth of these Dateline-esque stings, only instead of meeting up with Chris Hansen, alleged perverts come face to face with Killa Cam. At the time this story broke, he said, that he already had two encounters on film. Who ever said Dipset never did any good for the community?

Listen to Cam'ron's I'm a Hustler Barry